Stupid Female Parts

No up or down this week. I think that might be progress since it's usually a gain but still. . . . My stupid female parts make everything difficult. If it isn't the swelling, it's the doctors' recommendation to not exercise. I hate feeling like a slug.

Anyway, I'm finally starting to feel like a human being again. I jogged a little yesterday and that definitely helped. Tonight I will do some weight lifting and be really sore tomorrow. Slugs are hereby banished!

Let's Try this Again

I'm trying not to make excuses for myself.  After all, it was me who decided on Fried Chicken on Friday night.  Still. . . . with the health stuff going on last week, I'm giving myself a break.  Up a little, still down overall. 

Also, it's time to revisit those goals for the week:
1) Food: Write down everything I ingest
Better this week but still not great.  Goal for this week is to actually do this.
2) Movement: 20 minutes of walking 3 days + Ab work or Yoga or Pilates 2 days
Big fat goose egg on this goal.  With the camping trip this weekend, I think the 20 min of walking 3 days is doable.  That's my goal for this week.
3) Health: Research nutrition expert
Got a couple of names from my chiropractor and another idea from a friend.  No substantial progress made.  Goal for this week: call one of the leads

Down 1.8!

Love going to WW meetings and actually ending up on the negative side of the spectrum.  I cannot believe I let myself get this out of control even if I was changing jobs and moving my entire life to So Cal.  I'm extremely grateful that my boss said something to me that made me think "what the hell are you doing to yourself".  Add to that the scary health news (severely anemic on top of everything else) . . .  I am finally back to that place I was before.  I'm 35 years old.  If I'm having these health problems now, what is another 20 years of this extra weight going to do?  Type 2 diabetes?  Heart attack?  Stroke?  No thank you!  New town, new commitment.

 

Goals for this week:

• Food: Write down everything I ingest
• Movement: 20 minutes of walking 3 days + Ab work or Yoga or Pilates 2 days
• Health: Research nutrition expert

New Concept for Me

Maybe I have been living in a hole for a couple of years but WHO KNEW there were so many resources on physical well being as it relates to spirituality.  This weekend I attended a service at a religious science center.  While my personal belief system leans toward the "New Age" I have never before attended a "celebration" like this.  I really enjoyed the logical approach to spirituality so I did a little more research.  It looks like one of their points of practice is health and excercise.  "Tending to the needs of our physical and emotional body is tantamount to our spiritual growth and development."  Now that I think about it, I must be pretty slow.  Every weight loss guru says that one must figure out the emotional reason for being overweight . . . shouldn't that translate to spiritual well being?  Dur.  I just got that.  Anyway, I did a little search for books on "spiritual weight loss" . . . I cannot believe how many there are.  As I am new to this concept of weight loss via prayer/spirituality, I don't have any recommendations yet.  If I find one I love, I will let you know.

Gain Some and Lose Some

Truth is this week is more like "Gain Some and Gain Some".  Granted it was the last week of the year and I alternated my time between sleeping, eating, watching TV and drinking . . . drinking A LOT.  I'm giving myself a little break here and deciding to focus on some of the other things I've gained, namely insight.

Things I've figured out this week:

1. At that point where I get close to a breakthrough and really improve myself; at that certain point in every self-improvement journey I have taken, I have quit.  I believe that I am, somehow, not worth it.  Logically I know this is ridiculous but emotionally I haven't caught up yet.  And, if I take that one step further, I can say that the reason I am overweight is that I don't believe myself to be worth the effort of treating my body well.
2. I have decided to lose weight for two reasons.  The first is that the healthiest I have been in 10 years was 5 years ago, directly following a 25 pound weight loss.  I don't believe in coincidence.  I know I need to do this to get my health (and sanity) back.  The second is that I am pretty tired of always thinking of myself as the fat one.  It's a constant thing.  Walking to lunch today with my friend I thought "I wonder if people are looking at how much bigger I am than she is".  If my friend told me that I would smack her silly because NOBODY has time to think about other people like that.  And, if they did . . . I wouldn't want to be their friend!  Ridiculous!
3. If I look at numbers 1 and 2 above, it follows logically that I have been unsuccessful in maintaining my weight loss because I sabotage myself.  If I believe that I am not worth the work and if I think that nobody else believes I am good enough as I am, then I can conclude that I am acting in ways that contradict my ultimate goal.  It makes logical sense that it is easier for me to be overweight and unhappy than to be proven wrong in my deep-seeded beliefs.  Emotionally I think it's because I lack follow through.  But, if I'm ever going to GAIN follow through, I need to get going.  Further (and in some ways more importantly) I need to get over my fear of failure.  Not trying to live a better life is cowardice.

Big stuff this week.  Tomorrow I'm going to try a new recipe from a book I saw on WeightWatchers.com.  If it turns out and if Mr. ShrinkingT likes it, I will let you know.

The Incredible Yo-Yo

Six months before my 30th birthday I resolved to lose a significant amount of weight (somewhere in the vicinity of 30 pounds).  It was by no means a spur of the moment decision.  I had tried and failed several times to lose weight, coming to the conclusion that my body was not meant to be smaller and that I was destined to be the fat sister, the chubby (and funny) friend and the slightly frumpy coworker.  Then came the health problems.  To say I was always a sickly kid is to put things mildly; to name a few of my afflictions: allergies, asthma, ITP, endometriosis, Hashimotos disease.  One day I woke up and thought "if I don't straighten up, I'm going to have a stroke and diabetes to boot" . . . that's the great thing about family history . . . it tells you what you have to look forward to.  So, I joined the Weight Watchers and lost a little over 25 pounds in a little over six months.  And, as I lost, I gained a self confidence and sense of control I had never before felt.  A good friend started calling me "The Incredible Shrinking Tessa".

It's been almost exactly 5 years since I took a look at myself and made that momentous decision to change.  And, as of this morning, I weigh almost exactly what I did when I made that decision.  I am certainly more stable and successful in other areas of my life . . . I suppose that is what made focusing on my health so hard to do.  But it is time for me to be honest with myself and start taking control again.  And if I can get the hubby to join me we will both be the better for it.  Over the next few months, I will chronicle my struggles with the scale.  I will share my tricks for better balance (i.e. how to expend more energy than I consume).  As an avid reader, I will review books I read, letting you know what (if anything) is helpful.  I will provide you with links to articles and tools.  If I find a good recipe, I will post that here.  Most importantly, I will share the ups and downs of my experience.

Your Chubby Friend,
Tessa